Nepal

Nepal. What I see are two sides of the same coin. With a bleeding heart I see poverty, destruction, people living from the little nothing they have, dogs lying eyes closed on the streets no sign of life coming from their motionless bodies. But also pictures of smiling faces, kindness, open hearts and minds, people standing with their arms wide open,  saying “Namaste” to the Goddess inside you, come flying in my crying eye. Both two sides of the same coin. Filth and wisdom. Men, women, children gathered in small broke down buildings eating rice, sharing it to strangers and laughing, smiling. The indescribable beauty lying in these packed streets - this chaotic traffic, these small shops, these self-build wooden windows, this smell of burning spices - rises, grows all from the love and the smiling reflected in the faces of nearly everyone I see. The indescribable caring of poor people letting strangers live in their houses, eat from their food. Letting everyone be part of their culture. The easiness they live their life. Everything seems so laid back, without stress and without the hectic of the western world.

What has went wrong that we, who have money, big houses, progress, prosperity, a working system, a constitution, a good education – all things missing in Nepal – are counting every second of our time, every penny in our pocket, do nothing but eat, work and sleep.? What has happened that we do not open our arms (like they do. They who have really nothing to share – but still find a way to help, a way to practice kindness) for the needy. Why is there a big lock and so many chains covering our houses, our life’s, our minds?

But still I see sexism (in Nepal), on a whole different level than in Europe. I see conservative structures and traditions discriminating against and humiliating on a daily and accepted bases. I see religion controlling people’s minds and life’s, giving them their morals and ethics without letting them reflect their values. It is all filth and wisdom.

But I also feel and here of change, change I welcome excited and happy. But also change making me want to scream STOP! I see these conservative structures crumbling down, making way for more liberal points of view, more acceptances, less discrimination. But I am also afraid of people losing their smiling faces to wealth and the longing for more, losing their caring hearts and sharing nature to greed as they move towards the western world and become addicted to our wishes that made us so ignorant; filling my heart with grief.

Still I feel unable to say good or bad, yes or no to this progress. I feel like I am not the right one to say yes or no, good or bad to certain values and others not, rate the change in good change or bad change. I feel wrong when opening, my mind to “Progress-Form A” but not to “Progress-Form B” - without even knowing whether there is A or B or just AB. Although I would like to. Like to separate and judge. And clearly already do so in my head, but without speaking these thoughts out loud.

I feel like wanting to cut off the bottom side – the “bad” side – off the coin, leaving only the top side… But then again, what would be the new bottom side? “Good” or “bad”? And what really is “good” and “bad”?

 - 07. September